Peacock Pathos - The Artist's Blues

Jeseppi © 5/3/98



does a peacock say
i must grow my fan a little longer
i must raise my chicks
to be above all the rest

peacock pathos

educated and trained
like trout bred for slaughter
feeding on corn
we frenzy about each kernel

but peacocks live immortal in eden
these are the pickers and gatherers
of gardens
unconformed
unbridled
self manifested individual freedom
in self mastery
channels for the radiant
majestic beings
powerfully connected
to the restful
workings of peace
generating worship
in affection
for the true one
from true being

it is from this place
that the peacocks name
all the animals

let’s see

you are
fatted trout
you please me
you please others
you please everybody
for corn
and not much either
just a little
so every day
we must train you
yes we must remind you to say
the new word
peacock
peacock pathos

i did not say
pee
cock
i said peacock
but you say
pee
cock

seeing how with strapped on prod
sally searches shallow women
sort of like mister gomez
who beats his bell shaped wife
just before cocking her
just before she blows his horse feathers
into permanent deflation
the curse of her permanent defoliation

wholly submitted
to virgins vigils
she does not see
being humbled to understand
one must come down to the earth
while he still stands
squatting not
not he
nor his horse
even the horse does not squat
they will never squat
never even considered
they keep on arrogantly
moving along
and oh dio mio
to anyone who may be following behind
when they release their energies
carelessly
effortlessly
along our guided path

but now the peacock comes
feathers abloom
promethean protractor
for the divine
lifting plume
high above the ground
saying
what a piece of work
this man
lover of horse
careless beasts
driving on together
a compassionless duality
straining at each other’s mortality
peacock pathos

when it comes
these must walk ahead
of those whose gifts are radiant
who search for light
finding moisture
and good feeding
who walk in the natural way
not measuring
not owning
not hording
but spreading ribs wide apart
to reveal a yielded heart †

The Secret of U n I Verse

What is heat?

Think about it.
We require some of it–
not too much of it–
not too little of it.

Something happens
in a candle–
a wick burns–
a golden orange flame.

Why?
What is happening
around that wick
to make such a pretty color?

The gasses are hot–
they heat up
when they move a lot.


1
Gas?
What is gas?

Gas is a molecule.

Molecule?

What is a molecule?

A molecule is something small.

Small?
What is small?

Small is little.

Little?
What is little?

Little is when it fits
between two fingers.

What are two fingers?

Two fingers
are something on me–
in front of me
that I see.

What is see?

See is when you
absorb into you
something that is on the outside.

Outside?

Yes, outside–
beyond you
as opposed to within.

Within?
What is within?

It is in a place–
there.


There?

Yes. You are there for me,
and, I am there for you.

What do you mean,
For me?

For me is for you.

What is me?

Me is you–
a-cross from me;
me is me.
a-cross from you.

Why did you ask me
about heat?

Because I wanted to know.

To know?

Yes, to know.

It is all emotion–

all feeling.
You are all emotion–
all feeling,
all sensing.
All around you
you sense,
you absorb,
you take in
what is outside you–
out and in,
in and out.
We exchange.
We feel.
We know.
We are.

We are?
Where are we?

We are
in Heaven,
in Hell–
Heaven–good,
Hell–bad.

Good? Bad?
What is good?

Good is a disposition–
a mood.

Mood?
What is a mood?

It is the way you feel.

Feel?


Feel, sense, absorb–
now–good mood–
disposition.
I like it.
I like that.

Like?
What is like?

Like is lifted–
raised up.

What is up?

Up is elevated–
above,
emerging,
majesty,
higher,
highest,
excelling,
growing,
enlarging,
expanding,
encompassing.

Whoa, wait!
All this started from heat?
Heat seems like a kind of being.

Yes, it is.
Heat is being–
much older than we be.
We be a rather new
collection of atoms.

Atoms?


Yes, atoms–
small like molecules–
cannot see one,
cannot feel one,
cannot sense one,
cannot absorb one.

I cannot know one?

Yes, you can–
with your intellect–
you can intellect one,
but, you cannot sense one.
You can
know one.

One is outside me?
It goes into me?
I can think it?

Yes, think!

Think?

Remember!
Go backward–
inward in time–
in memory–
in mind–
in you–
brain.

What is brain?

Brain is systems
of groups,
of groups of molecules–
molecules moving,

or resting,
eye twitching,
molecules moving–
moving–
heat!
Remember I said,
when molecules move
there is heat?

What is heat?
What is moving?
What is not moving?

Things moving–heat–
heat here,
but, not there.

Now, I intellect what is before me.
You are before me.
What are you–
gases–
atoms?
You are moving.
You are not moving.
You are warm.
You are alive.
You are not warm.
You are cold.
You are dead.
What has happened
to your molecules–
to your atoms?
They move, then
they do not move.
They change.
They go away
into other passing molecules.
Soon you are no more.

Where is your mind?
Where is your intellect?
Where are you?
What are you, soul?
You exist.

What is exist?

Exist is to be.

What is be?

Be is being.

What is being?

I said existing already, right?

Right.

Why did I say right?

What is right?

Right is true–
that you be–
that you are being,
seeing,
feeling,
absorbing–
absorbing into ego–
you into my being–
me pushing out
to your being–
exchanging–
attitude,
correct,
right,

true,
above,
majesty,
absorbing,
more absorbing,
less absorbing–
heat moving–
pushing out–
outward from your being.

You!
What are you?
What are you absorbing?
What are you sensing?
What are you feeling–
disposition:
lifted up–
good,
higher–
highest–
majesty,
preexisting–
greater organized,
higher intellect–
being?

Can I sense it?

Yes.

Can I absorb it?

Yes, but not all of it–
just a little.
You can know it.
You can sense it.
It is greater than you are–
than your being.

Is it good?


Yes, it is good,
correct, and right–
majesty.
It is higher.
It is greater.

Yes, I see it.

It is greater.

I know it.
I sense it.
I absorb?

Yes, but, not completely.
More remains outside.
It absorbs you.
You suck on its nipple.
It wraps around you–
embracing you,
holding you in!
It is more than me.
It is all around me.
I am in it.
Its nipple only is in me.
I feel good.
I feel lifted.
I feel full.
We are full of it.
It is not full of us.
It will never be full of us.
I joke. You laugh. We are lifted.
This is humorous to think of.
You laugh.
You are lifted up.

You feel good.
Good is higher.
Feel is absorb.
Feel is sense–
not too small to sense–
to take it here in me–
in you.

Take?
What is to take?

To extend out and touch,
and pull what you see
into you–
in there–not here–in you.
Take–
being taking,
many beings taking.
Taken–
taken to another being–
taken away.

What is away?

Away is moved–
moved away,
separated.

Separated is good?
Is right and correct?
Higher?

No,
not higher.
Separated moves away.
I no longer sense.
I no longer absorb.
Absorbing is good–

was good.

Was?
What is was?

Was past.
Past is not now.

Past is not being.
Being exists.
Exist is good.
Exist is higher.
Exist is lifted.
Exist is above.
Exist is true.
Exist is alive.

Alive?
What is alive?

Alive moves–
is moving–
more heat,
not dead–
less heat.

What is less heat?

Less movement–less heat
is absorbed into more movement–
more heat.
Movement is living.
Movement is intellect.
Movement is good.
Movement is higher.
Movement is above.
Movement absorbs.


Movement is heat.
Heat is brilliant.
Heat is glowing.
Heat is energy.

Energy?
What is energy?

Energy is strength–
power.

What is power?

Power moves.
Power pushes out.
Power extends,
But, power does not take in–
it draws in.

How?

By being greater–
good, right–
it absorbs,
and, it pushes out.
It gives birth.

Birth?
What is birth?

Birth is coming out.
Birth pushes forth.
Pushes out.
Then it holds.
Birth is great.
Greater.

What is greater?

Mother is greater.
Mother pushes out.

Mother takes in?

No, mother does not take in.
Mother holds in.
Mother absorbs, senses–
good, higher, lifted–
baby–
baby lifted–
baby feels.

What is baby?

Baby is small.
Baby takes.
Baby absorbs.
Baby does not know.
Baby does not intellect.
Baby senses.
Baby is new.

What is new?

New is closer to now.

When now?

Now!

What is now?

Now is here–
being here.
Now is good.
Now is higher.
Now is true.

True?
What is true?

True is good.
True is higher.
True is right.
True exists.
True is being.
Being is me.
Being is you.
Being is true.
Being is we.
Being exists.
Being is alive.
Being is moving.
Being is good.
Being is warm.
Being is intellect.
Being is mind.
Being is know.

Why is being know?

Being is know
because being is good.
Being is true.
Being is alive.
Being does not take.
Being draws in.
Being moves–
draws in what moves less.

But, i don’t see it.
I don’t sense it.
I don’t feel it.

Being, are you kidding?
You know it

when being is away–
being separated–
not good.
Being draws
because being is warm.
Being is good.
Being is greater.
Being is higher.
Being is above.
Being is majesty.
Being is power.
Being pushes out.
Being is does not take.
Being is not baby.
Being is not new.
Being is now.
Being is not past.
Being is present.
Being is with us.
You and me.
We are being.
You there and me here.
I give; you give.
I give; you receive.

Receive?
What is receive?

Receive is to open to feel.
Receive is to open to sense.
Receive is to open to absorb,
when being
is open to absorb.

What is open?

Open is released,
unlatched,

enlarging,
inviting,
being open to absorb.
Absorbing is good.
Absorbing is higher.
When absorbing is good,
absorbing is nourishment.
Nourishment is movement.
Movement is heat.
Heat is sustaining.
Heat is alive.
Heat is not dead.
Heat is being.
Dead is cold.

Cold?
What is cold?

Cold is less heat.
I feel cold.
I sense cold.
I do not take cold in.
I catch cold.
Cold passes by–
and, when cold hits me,
it does not bounce off me–
I catch it.

You take it?

No, I take a bath–
I catch cold–
like a football.

What about your bath?

I baptize.
I make go into water.

I immerse.
I take the water.
It absorbs me.
It is all around me.
It is good
when it is warm.
It is not good
when it is too cold.
When it is cold
it takes from me.
I have less heat–
I die.
I take warm baths.
When it is hot,
it’s movement is greater
than I am mine.
I am cooler.
I change.
It is energy.
It is power–
pushing out.
I cannot endure.
It draws me in–
it does not take me in.
I go in.
It receives me.
I am drawn in by heat–
pushed out by power.
It moves.
It is alive.
It is greater.
It is true.
It is intellect.
It knows.
It is power.
It is God.

God?

What is God?

All power.
All knowing.
All present.

What is present?

Present is near everything.

What is near everything?

God–

God is in everything?

No, beside everything.
Energy is changing-
exchanging.
God does not change–
is Elemental,
is Essential.

Is God heat?

Yes.

Warmth?

Yes.

Too hot?

No, God is perfect.

Cold?

Can never be.

God is opposite cold–
separates from cold–
does not join to cold–
does not absorb cold–
does not take in cold–
is all power–
pushing out–
penetrating–
into the non-god realm–
sperm,
birth,
mother–
moving.
The non-god realm
does not push
into the God realm–
is cold
is dead.

God is alive.
God is good.
God is love.

Love?
What is love.

Love is being.
Love is true.
Love is true being.
Love does not take.
Love is higher.
Love is above.
Love is sense.

Love is being?

Love is being–
alive–

good.
Love is good.
Love can do.

Do?
What is do?

Know is do.
Do joins.

What is join?

Join connects.
Join does not separate.
Join is good.

Join is know?

No, join is not know–
know joins,
intellect joins,
combines–
like molecules–
like atoms.
They move.
Move is good.
Move is alive.
Join gets warmer.
Separate gets colder.
Join shapes by combining.
Intellect creates by joining.

Creates?
What is create?

Create is move.
Create is heat.
Create is warm.

Destroy is separate–
is cold,
is dead.

Destroy?
What is destroy?

Destroy disconnects
Destroy disjoins.
Destroy pulls apart.
Destroy moves toward cold.
Destroy is not good.
Destroy is not true.
Destroy is not higher.
Destroy is below.
Destroy is beneath create.
Destroy is hate.
I love.
You destroy.
I destroy.
You love.
One is below.
One is above.
One is dead.
One is alive.
One does not know.
One knows.
One senses.
One does not sense.
One receives.
One does not receive.
One is being.
One is not being.

That’s not what Einstein says.
Einstein says it’s all relative!

What does Einstein know?

Einstein is cold.
Einstein is not now.
Einstein does not exist.
Einstein is destroyed.
Where is he?
Where did he go?

Go?
You used that word before.

Go is to move–
move to,
or move away.

Which way did he go?

He went
that’a way.

Which’a way?

The way he went
when he was warm.

Which way was that–
toward the warmer,
or, toward the cooler?

I don’t know.
If he went toward the warmer,
he is probably somewhere
near the warmer.
If he went toward the cooler,
he is getting colder.
He made his choice?

Choice?
What is choice?

Choice is to intellect toward.
Choice is being toward.
Toward?

Yes, toward is facing.

Where was Einstein facing?

I don’t know?

Who knows?

God knows.
God is warm.
God draws.
If he was facing God,
then God was drawing him.
And, if not, then God
was not drawing him.
And you,
which way are you facing?
What is drawing you:
the heat,
the cold,
the higher,
the lower,
the above,
the below,
the alive
the dead?
Do you know?
Where will you go?

And, the flame–
it moves,
it is hot,
its molecules move–
move more greatly

than the molecules in me.
It is greater than I.
It absorbs me.
I am cooler.
I see light.
I sense.
I know.
I create.
I intellect.
I choose.
I face.
I go.
I love heat.
I lean toward.
I love to be warm.
Heat is now.
Heat is new.
Heat joins.
Heat is true.
Heat combines–
intellect leaning toward heat–
leans toward being.

What is being?

The One being
which is higher.
The One above.
The One we search for.
The Greatest living being–
The Creator–
The Heater.

Living?
What is living?

Living is Spirit–
The Warm One,

The One who loves,
The One who draws,
The One who knows.
The One who comes,
The One who saves.

Saves?
What is save?

Save like power
pushing out,
but, not pushing away.
Save lifts out.
Save lifts up–
like laughter.
Save lifts above.

Save bring down?

No, save comes down–

Come?
What is come?

Come goes out.
Save goes up.
Save is good.
Save is being.
Being is save.
Heat is being saved.
†

Performed at The Berkeley Arts Center, Berkeley, California, April 7th 1998.


Special thanks to–

Tobias Alexander White for assisting with the performance;
Barbara Michelman and Rita Bregman for their continuous support and friendship.





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